We ate lunch sitting on wooden benches around a wooden table. A basket of fresh cut bread sat in the middle of the table and flies buzzed around every now and again. The (mostly eggplant) buffet was rich in oil and salt. Outside were couples and men enjoying a slow lunch or cigarette. I wouldn't go back, but I'd do it again.

The approach of the holidays always has this funny effect on me. It's deeper and bigger and richer and more real with every year. I think it's because with each year my heart finds new places to be pulled when away. What could God possibly feel and think and know on a daily basis? I want to fly south and hold Hidaya against my chest. I want to talk with her, laugh with her, make faces at her. I want her to know that she is loved by ME. And God's love is a bajillion times the meager amount I have in my heart. OH THAT'S WHY HE SENT JESUS BECAUSE HE COULDN'T KEEP AWAY. "Rejoice, rejoice, Emmanuel shall come to thee oh Israel." !!! I'm getting it...little by little.

thoughts make moments too

The weather has been the same as El Segundo up until a week ago, maybe. It's getting colder and colder. I'm getting colder and colder. I don't have a lot of clothes with me. I packed with the intention of buying warm clothes here. I can't do it. Lindsay and I went to H&M yesterday afternoon and I was looking for pants. I have one pair of jeans that I'm wearing on a daily basis and riding the bike is wearing them down, so new leg coverings are completely practical. I told Lindsay I was in a funk while we were browsing and she responded with something about shopping therapy. I wished!! The store was left empty handed and my jeans crotch has a few more busted threads.

The funk has continued. I think that's fair because I'm thinking this:  Angwin-Grizzly Flats-El Segundo-Usa River-El Segundo-Grizzly Flats-El Segundo-Palermo. School-camp-home-AFRICAvolunteeringlearningliving-homeforasec-camp-home-Italywhat. Questions-questions-doubts-tears-laughs-answers?-questions-questions-questions.... I don't know what my normal life is. I know how to settle into a normal routine in a temporary situation. Perhaps the important thing is knowing my heart and my steadfast God with his steadfast love and steadfast approach to this world and people that change but never really change all that much.

a canadian, brit, and american walked into a gelateria....

Ohh GELATO. What can I do with you? I like you best in pistacchio and sette tentazioni. But sometimes I feel the need to be different. Never straying from something chocolately. Oh no no no. Mr. Scooper-of-my-first-but-not-last-cone-of-the-day, thank you for being so patient with me as I tried with all of my tastebuds to imagine anything but my favorites lingering in my boca this afternoon. You did throw your hands up in the air just a little bit when I said I was still deciding but then we laughed together as I tried to balance my cone and my wallet. Thanks for zipping up the pocket for my coins and sharing mouth smiles and eye smiles and creamery goodness with me.

toilet yodeling.

Maybe a month ago I taught Silvia the famous yodeling ostrich song. What a hit! Tonight while she was sitting on the pot she decided that would be her activity of choice (sometimes it's dolls other times it's coloring). This was too good to let pass without being a part of so I took the clothes I was folding with me into the bathroom. We sang together. "OOOOOOOOHHHHHH an ostrich went yodeling on a mountain so high HEY when along came a Silvia interrupting his cry. YOOOOODEEELAAAAY yodelahkeekee yodelahkookoo kookoo PLOP." ....

I was pleased to find out that when a Danielle came interrupting his cry she did it by holding her belly and laughing. I like it here!

gettin' out.

Today makes me smile. I'm so sleeeeepy right now. Things don't happen unless you get out there and...oh what's that thing I read the other day. "When you do what you always do, you get what you always get." Michael Yaconelli quoted it in his book Dangerous Wonder. So, today I got out there and got pooped on and honked at. I shared lots of laughs with these PEOPLE that I get to share moments with. I watched in what seemed like slow motion as hot espresso and the ceramic cup that was holding to it sprayed and crashed to the ground thanks to physical story telling by yours truly. But still! New things!

And this: experiencing a child (or anyone!) learn is EXCITING.

Silvia sat on her bed this morning while I brushed her hair. We weren't carrying on a very specific conversation when she asked me, "Do you remember when it was 7:28?" She sighed dreamily and I smiled. She was talking about last week, when we were awake early enough on a SCHOOL day to be able to play time games at the breakfast table. Oh if we could only have 7:28 every morning... :)

While locking up my bike this afternoon I was called stupida. With good reason. I still feel kinda silly.

l'avventura del autobus

Ellie, Lindsay, and I made plans to hop on a bus and take a trip to Mondello for dinner and new scenery yesterday evening. I needed a good nap and wanted to buy MY TICKET HOME FOR CHRISTMAS so I told them to go ahead and that I would meet them there later. Around 7:30 I was all excited and ready to go. I walked to the closest bus station, scanned the buses for the right number, found the one, and hopped on. We were off! "Hmm.." I thought, "why is this bus taking me into town? Oh, perhaps it's because it's a weekend route." HA weekend route...so we got to one of the main piazzas in town and I decided to hop off and recheck the bus number. 102 HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE IT JUST SAID 544!!! Oh goodness. I started walking to a bus stop where I was sure I could catch the right bus. After waiting at least 15 minutes in the drizzle the correct bus pulled up and I hopped on, in the back, where there are no windows and the sea breeze could whip my hair! Alright, so we're chuggin along and I end up being the only person headed to Mondello for the night. But it's okay because at least I'm headed there! We're weaving through the city streets when we find ourselves in an impossible situation. The bus that I'm on and a bus headed in the opposite direction decide to try and fit at the same time down a very narrow street (think El Segundo with cars parked on both sides but smaller). NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. All the while there is this man smoking a cigarette walking back and forth behind me saying "bellissima" again and again. I was wishing for windows at that point. After a good chunk of confusion time my bus puts itself in reverse to make room for the next bus. Whew. We did it. I found the girls waiting for me at the mermaid fountain that is the center of Mondello. We had the nicest dinner in the upstairs section of a cozy restaurant where we could see the moon shining on the sea. We talked and talked and ate and ate. It was really fantastic. I could see the 806 bus back into town passing by below us every 20 minutes just like it was supposed to. After a bit I decided to check the time to make sure the bus I had just watched go by wasn't the last. OH. Five minutes to 11? Yeah, that was probably the last one seeing as how the schedule says that route finishes at 11. Well we laughed about it and decided to ask our friendly waiter about other buses and taxis. He was helpful but with bad news. Yes, that probably was the last bus and yes, taxis into town are quite pricey. BAH. We got gelato, because what else are you going to do at 11 in Sicily without a way home? Every time one of us would ask another what some of the flavors were like the server was very fast to scoop out a sample. I asked a lot ;) finally I had my cappucciono and nutella cone waiting to be devoured and Ellie says, "Oh, there's a bus..." but Lindsay's on it and notices that the 806 bus was just sittin' there waiting for our gelato and laughter filled selves to jump on it! We ran across the street and ran onto the bus and ran to the back to find seats. Sitting down in a cloud of giggles and sighs of relief we settled in for our safe and sure (or so we could only hope) trip home.

bigness

I sat on my skinny orange bed and prayed a little short prayer that really didn't do any sort of thoughts or feelings justice. I was going to go talk to Gabriella about coming home for Christmas and I wanted it to go smoothly.  Liiiiiiittle did I know that a few hours later I would be sitting across from her after having both shed tears. We talked a lot. This is largely deeper than a job. 

God's got something so MUCH bigger going on in this and that and over there and here and you and me and under and over!

Tonight's cut off moonshine, a star, and the building I'm living in.

baaarrrrrroooooom (thunder storm quaking things up!)

Tonight at dinner Gabriella sighed. A happy very very happy sigh. Then I sighed. Max sighed and we all looked to Silvia. She sighed a good one. Yeah, settling in is a day-by-day advancement but the past few days have been big ones. It's a crazy thing this my-purpose-is-to-be-a-part-of-this-family business. At least we know I can bring a true blue from deep down sigh to the table.

i love sugar.

Maestra Francesca gave me a plateful of sweets--frutta martorana (marzipan) and jelly candies--for All Saints' Day, I think.

Gabriella gave me a stick-bar of chocolate just because.

They're both gone gone gone.

biccicleta!!

I have a bike. It fits in little Italian elevators and makes my trip to the city center a bunch shorter. I rode my bike home from Lindsay's apartment (where she, Ellie, and I sat and chatted after eating gelato)  tonight laaate. The shining moon, brisk wind in my hair, physical OOMPH, and tunes in my ears made for dreamy pedaling. My bike needs a name.

pistacchios and communion

Silvia and I drew pictures with pencils and wrote stories this afternoon. I was getting settled on the couch ready to read to her about Scrooge out of "What Your Second Grader Needs to Know" (definitely about good ol' Ebenezer) when her mama said that she should have a snack. I thought that was odd because it was less than an hour til normal dinner time and stories are usually a higher priority. She called her husband to come into the room as well. I brought the book over so I could read to Silvia during her snack time, like normal. But then she came around the corner from the kitchen holding a small square green cake. She put it on the table and said, "It's because you've been here one month!" We celebrated. We celebrated me being here a month with a pistacchio ice cream cake. This weekend it has felt like me SURVIVING a month. So we sat around the table and talked about the difference in Catholic communion and other religion's communion. Catholics can't chew their wafers. And only the priest gets to drink wine. At least, that's what G said about her experience from when she was a kid. ... I've just written so many sentences on what I think about communion. Nothing is doing my thoughts justice. Let's have a conversation.

Later on in the evening Silvia and I took turns being the blue bad guy in a make believe underwater game. His head falls off whenever you move him and one of his arms is missing. I kinda like him. He's so broken and full of character. I can't stand too much order.

I honestly don't know what positive moment to write about today...I wore the same skirt I was wearing when we went dancing to church today. It was like a sail while I was walking! The wind was so strong. I had to walk with my head bent low and my hair was all in tangles when I got to church. That was kinda fun.

I decided to stay for lunch even though I hadn't brought any food to contribute. Bah, I feel bad doing that. But the people are so welcoming and insistent. Next time I WILL make food!!! I was getting my things to head home when things were winding down and started saying my ciaos when this little old lady (Esther, maybe?) stopped me. She started asking me questions in Italian that I sorta understood...where I was living, how I was getting there. All of a sudden I was seated next to her, holding hands, and waiting for her 70 year old husband to finish playing a game of foozball so that they could take me home. Their car was a cute little teal-mobile. I appreciated the windless ride and the humming and grunting and confusion in language. That church community is such a blessing to me!

salty skin

I sat and stood and jumped and read and sang and wrote on a big concrete block that had salt water waves smashing against it.

I rode my bike (yes!) and went for a jog.

Ohh I had a GOOD cry for the first time since being here today. Such a bittersweet thing, joo know?

an elsewhere sort of day

Pocket (or wink) coffee. It was really hard for me to get it to stay!

Tasty LIQUID espresso enveloped by chocolate. The perfect combo.

Today I skyped where the sun shines during my nighttime for a good long time. It's good to keep all our life-strings continually woven. Watch, they will span farther than you know! But then let's all get together and knot ourselves up.

Oh boy, then I spent 20 minutes watching videos/pictures that the current volunteers at Cradle of Love have taken and uploaded. Joshua is RUNNING and babbling and looking so handsome and chasing the dogs. My cup continues to runneth over.

Strange Man in my Bed!

I love having an open home/apartment. There is usually someone here with me in the evenings and even when I am away, sometimes, Anthony or Carrie or Marianne will still come over. Tonight Anthony did not feel very well. So he tried sleeping on the living room floor while Carrie and I did homework and mostly avoided doing homework. His attempt to sleep was not successful and, since I had offered my bed as a resting place, he trip-tropped to my room. After a while, we heard the whiffles and I was pleased that he felt comfortable dropping off in my bed. But when 12:30am rolled around, Carrie and I were ready for bed. Carrie and I stood at the doorway, looking into the dark room. I thought it sounded like a coffee pot percolating in there; a very gentle, bubbly snore. I urged Carrie into the room but I waited at the door because I could not stop giggling. Carrie, with hands in her pockets, bent over the bed and said, "I can't even see him." She left the room and we walked in together moments later. I too had trouble spotting him. Ah, there he was! Alongside the wall amid the stuffed animals. We called his name a few times. He said he was sleeping, turned over and continued deep breathing. Then we saw his feet peeking out from the blanket. What do you do when you can't get the man out of your bed? I walked away while Carrie kept watch from the door--"He's sitting up!" We peered back inside in time to see him flop down to a lying position again. Darn it. When we walked away from the bedroom again and returned a minute later, we found Anthony on the ground, still attempting to sleep. Apparently, he did not have enough energy to get up fully. I threw the sleeping bag on top of him--he had to have been cold! Anyway, I decided to write about this because...well...he's still sleeping on the floor of my bedroom...blocking my way to my pajamas. Do I let him sleep because he's not feeling well? Haha this is so delightfully strange!

i saw sheep

Copius amounts of espresso and no energy.

No physical exertion in far too long and worn.

I think I'm getting sick.

My brain feels fried. Today was spent with new people all speaking Italian. Over-stimulation is better than no stimulation at all.

Weakness consumes me and that is okay. Strength in faith excites me.

 

 

This hairstyling cost me 315 imaginary euros. Def worth it.

I think I said a lot of scandalous things in Italian today.

Silvia and I were walking and skipping hand in hand under the sunshine along the harbor today feeling so excited about our search for the sailboat we were about to take a trip on. A fishing boat with two grungy looking fishermen was pulling into it's spot and the man on the front of the boat was singing about amore. I imagine he was looking forward to seeing his love after time spent away on the stormy sea.

Also a notable moment:

Chocolate/hazelnut and coffee gelato